All too often, marriages end in divorce because the partner’s stress builds to a point that is so overwhelming the couple feels there is no effective way to relieve stress. If the couple doesn’t build ways to relieve stress without drama, accusation, and bad temper it boils over in frustration, anger and uncontrolled outbursts. If the partner’s don’t understand how to communicate their feelings in any other way, these will continue until the partners see no way to relieve stress but to divorce.
One import key to keeping a marriage strong is both partners learning how to cope with everyday stress and disappointment and alleviating it right away before it gets out of control. Here are some of the most common areas of stress in marriage and some good ideas on how to relieve it:
This is, without question, the number one reason that marriages end up in trouble. Constant worry of about paying the bills can easily consume almost every waking minute. It does not have to be this way. Although money is a normal thing to be worried about, especially when you are first starting out, it doesn’t have to ruin your marriage.
Make establishing a family budget a priority and live within your means. Learn to resist the new shiny object of your desires that you just have to have. Keep your expenses low enough that there is some left over after paying the bills each month. Put that money away every month as an emergency fund in case something happens to the car or a major appliance. Be strict about saving this amount every month. Look at it as another bill that must be paid. But, in reality, you are paying yourself first and building a nest egg to use in case of emergencies (which always seem to happen don’t they?).
Don’t let your credit cards get out of control. But if it is, get in touch with a reputable credit counseling agency and see if you can get your credit card debt consolidated so you make only one payment vs. making three or four. The U.S. Department of Justice provides a list of approved credit counseling agencies at http://www.justice.gov/ust/eo/bapcpa/ccde/cc_approved.htm
It should go without saying that one of the best ways to relieve stress is to relieve worries about money.
Most couples have frequent arguments about how to discipline a child when they’ve done something wrong or how to bring them up in this world. They each come into a marriage with two sets of differing family values.
Often, these values clash, resulting in serious disagreements and even arguments between mom and dad. Obviously, fighting with your partner isn’t going to solve the issue at hand and will probably make the situation with your child even worse. So, instead of arguing with each other, make a real effort to settle your differences calmly. Your goal should be coming up with a compromise to bring the two values together to make it work for your family. The best time to have these talks is before your child has done something wrong and the pressure is on to respond instantly.
Remember, what worked for your parents won’t necessarily work for you. If mom and dad work together as a team to set the rules and how to enforce them, it will go a long way to relieve stress of raising your children.
Keeping your Emotions Secret
Few marriages can work if the couple isn’t able to get their feelings out in the open. If kept inside, petty frustrations and disappointments expand until they inevitably explode in an outburst of anger and frustration. To keep a marriage healthy, you both must learn how to communicate with each other. If you can’t do it alone, then use a counselor if necessary. Once you can talk openly with each other, finding compromises to any issue becomes that much easier.
Of course, there are many different kinds of stresses that will occur in any marriage. But very few are not able to benefit from open communications and a willingness from both partners to work them out. If it will help, don’t be afraid to seek professional help from a counselor. As a neutral third party, a professional counselor is trained to help you identify the reasons for the stresses in your relationship and help you work them out. Once the reasons for your stress are acknowledged and are dealt with, your marriage will only get stronger and more satisfying.